More tranny stories later!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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