I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
