yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
