WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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