There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
