No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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