life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
