I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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