I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
