I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Congratulations! We have a period
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