we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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