Say something about gay babies.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
