I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dick very happy bro
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
