my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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