Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
