Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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