why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
