A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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