His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
