I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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