You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
me + whiskey = a bad person
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
