The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You pole danced in your parka.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize