I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
