Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
