planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
