1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
