My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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