Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
