I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
