a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it because I queefed?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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