I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize