I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
