i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
