I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
