i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Couch. On fire.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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