so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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