He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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