I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize