If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
