My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
40s are totally the cure
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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