I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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