but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
