how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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