mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
PANTIES FOUND
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