How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
