Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
