drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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