But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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