Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
