Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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