At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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