I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
