Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
