you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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