boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
