She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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