WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
