Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
