we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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