next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
