Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
