i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
