My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
