when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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