Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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