What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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