Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am spending my child support on dildos
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
