Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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