its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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