I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
