She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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