yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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