Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
