woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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