DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
